Copyright © 2001-2008, Kathy Roberts, All Rights Reserved
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I would like to share with you various bit of information that may assist you in your journey to find a better you. |
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I
would like to share a few articles with you that |
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Emotionally
committed relationships bring excitement and
passion into our lives, especially when they are
new. Over time, however, we come across
roadblocks based in personal issues that can
distance us from our partners. When we first
enter into a committed relationship, we may think
hat we have found the answer to life's problems,
that we have a partner to share in daily
turmoil, that we will never be alone again, that
it will be smooth sailing from here on out. If
we base relationships on these assumptions,
however, we may be sorely disappointed when our
partners fail to live up to these expectations.
There is a strong probability that if we look to
another person to provide fulfillment, we will
begin to focus on the failings of that person as the cause of our own disappointment. This
pattern is the reason for a great deal of
discord in committed relationships. Many people
who come in for relationship therapy actually
hope that the therapy will change their partner because
they are convinced that the partner is
the course of the problem
Over time many relationships enter a stage where the partners feel distanced from each other. The initial passion, sexual freedom, intimacy, and feelings of connectedness with the partner fade. Either person may begin to feel that, although they love their partner, they are no longer "in love." At the same time, both partners may feel that they have lost themselves in the relationship. They have given so much to the relationship in terms of their time, their energies, and their emotions that they have lost what made them feel unique as individuals. They have abandoned old friendships, hobbies, and activities that brought interest and excitement to theory own lives in order to devote time and energy to the relationship, resentment toward the partner may emerge. How does a relationship, which may have once shown such promise, end up in a place where the two partners feel distant and may not even like each other very much (even though they feel that love is still there)? The answer lies within. The people who come together in an emotional commitment carry with them a legacy of their own fears, anxieties and unresolved problems. It is sometimes uncomfortable for us to come to terms with our own baggage, It is, in fact, so troublesome that we are unable to look within ourselves. When that happens, we tend to attribute the problem to our partners, a process called projection. Rather than accepting the fact that our partners are just being themselves and probably have the best of intentions, we define the source of our own anxiety as lying within the other person. When we feel uncomfortable about something our partners say or do, we may not realize that our discomfort may derive from a source that we have not examined within ourselves - like our own control issues, our jealousy, our insecurity, or our fear of dependence or independence. Our partners may simply be triggering our own unresolved difficulties. The clue is to search within our own lives to see why we have difficulty with these issues. And this is no small task to become acquainted with oneself is indeed a terrible shock.
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"To thine own self be true." --William Shakespeare |
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"To
become acquainted with oneself is a terrible
shock."
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Using
Effective Communication Techniques to Reduce
Conflict
Once you find yourself in a conflicted situation with someone else, it is important to reduce the emotional charge from the situation so that you and the other person can deal with your differences on a rational level in resolving the conflict. Here are a few tips in resolving communication conflicts: Empathy: Try to put yourself into the shoes of the other person. See the world through their eyes. Empathy is an important listening technique which gives the other feedback that he or she is being heard. Exploration: Ask gentle, probing questions about what the other person is thinking and feeling. Encourage the other to talk fully about what is on his or her mind. Using "I" Statements: Take responsibility for your own thoughts rather than attributing motives to the other person. This decreases the chance that the other person will become defensive. Stroking: Find positive things to say about the other person, even if the other is angry with you. Show a respectful attitude.
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Managing
Stress |
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All of us experience stress, to one degree or another, in our everyday lives. Stress is the body’s reaction to an event that is experienced as disturbing or threatening. Our primitive ancestors experienced stress when they had to fight off wild animals and other threats. In the contemporary world we are more likely to experience stress when we face overwhelming responsibilities at work or home, experience loneliness, or fear losing things which are important to us, such as our jobs or friends. When we are exposed to such an event, we experience what has been called the "fight or flight" response. To prepare for fighting or fleeing, the body increases its heart rate and blood pressure. This sends more blood to our heart and muscles, and our respiration rate increases. We become vigilant and tense. Our bodies end up on full alert. Stress is adaptive when it prompts us to take action to solve a problem. We can use our perceived stress as a clue, in fact, that there is a problem and that we need to confront it. Public speakers, athletes and entertainers have long known that stress can motivate them to perform much better. The real difficulty occurs when we feel blocked. For various reasons, we may be unable to solve the problem — perhaps because we don’t realize that there is a problem or we don’t have the tools for solving it — and we continue to expose ourselves to the stress. In such instances, stress becomes a negative experience. Negative stress is demanding on our bodies and our lives in general. When our bodies are in a constant state of readiness for prolonged periods of time, we end up with heart palpitations, increased blood pressure, sweating, high stomach acidity, stomach spasms and muscle spasms. There is evidence that prolonged stress can lead to heart disease and a compromised immune system. Stress can deplete our energy and interfere with our concentration. It can lead us to become abrupt with other people and to engage in emotional outbursts or even physical violence. Our relationships and job security can be jeopardized. People who experience unresolved stress are more prone to self-destructive behaviors such as drug and alcohol abuse. Those who deal with stress in a positive way usually have:
"Not I, nor anyone else can travel that road for you. You must travel it yourself." --Walt Whitman
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Self-determination
refers to an ability to control or adapt to the events
of everyday living. Rather than seeing ourselves as
helpless in trying to overcome obstacles, we can begin
to define ourselves as problem-solvers. We can remember
times when we have been successful in solving problems
and then see ourselves in those terms. We can learn to
trust that we will have success in meeting life’s
difficulties. When we take this approach, we can begin
to face problematic situations as a challenge which,
when resolved, can bring new and exciting opportunities
into our lives.
Involvement means opening ourselves up to the world around us. It means letting friends and family members into our personal lives and sharing our private experiences with others when appropriate. Cultivating a social network serves us well when we are dealing with stressful situations. Talking our way through a crisis in the presence of a supportive listener, rather than holding it in alone, is one of our best ways of gaining helpful feedback, putting the situation into perspective, and sensing that we are not alone. When we lack involvement with others, we often feel vulnerable and may question whether we have the resources to cope with stressful experiences. A positive approach toward life is one of the main attributes of those who deal well with stress. Rather than seeing life’s difficulties as situations to complain about, the more adaptive person sees them as challenges which can be met with success. Losses can be seen as opportunities for gain. The life process is one of loss and gain — it’s as natural as night and day. When we trust that our losses will give rise to new gains and life experiences, the stress associated with loss need not be devastating. For example, the loss of a job can open the door to more satisfying employment and the opportunity for more fulfilling life experiences. The clue is to change our negative thoughts about situations into more positive thoughts — and positive feelings will usually follow a change in thinking. For example, if a close friend moves away, rather than harboring negative thoughts about how lonely and devastated you will feel, think about the good memories you will always have, how your friendship will leave a positive legacy that will always touch your life, how you can still keep in touch and visit, and how you can now spend your time in new and positive pursuits. There really is no need for stress in this situation. We can choose to move toward the open doors of life rather than futilely knocking on closed doors.The clue to handling stress adaptively is to acquire the skills we need to feel empowered. This requires a good, honest exploration into our lives. We need to explore the strengths that we already have for coping with stress, as well as to learn new skills. We need to be able both to comfort ourselves and to let others nurture us as well. All of us can learn, with some healthy exploration, to manage stress successfully. |
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| Proven
Methods of Coping With Stress Emotional Wellness Matters, by Robert B Simmonds, Ph.D. |
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Relaxation.
There is a wide range of relaxation techniques
available for coping with stress. Most of these
methods can be learned in therapy, but the most
important point to keep in mind is that you
should find a technique that works for you. The
list of choices includes breathing exercises,
yoga, stretching exercises, biofeedback,
meditation, massage, visual imagery, and
progressive muscle relaxation (which is an
especially effective tool).
Exercise. Regular physical exercise helps reduce stress, and it also raises self-esteem. It primes your immune system and plays a crucial role in preventing disease. Physical exercise need not be strenuous. Walking at a brisk pace for 20 or 30 minutes daily decreases stress just as effectively as vigorous jogging. Self-Rejuvenation. Find things you enjoy that make your spirit soar. This could include listening to music, meditation, prayer, sports, dance, painting, visiting nature, hiking, or writing. Take time for recreational and spiritual pursuits on a regular basis. This will help you to maintain balance and perspective in your life —and it gives you better control over being stressed out. Setting Limits. Much stress, especially these days, comes from biting off more than we can chew. We often embrace faulty expectations about how much we should accomplish in life. |
Unfortunately,
this is a prime culprit in increasing our stress
levels. It may help to examine what is really
important in our lives,
scale back, think smaller, and give our time
more completely to the things that matter the
most. Bringing expectations into line with
reality and learning to say no when we choose to
offers immediate relief.
Effective Communication. If you are too passive with others, you may come to feel that everyone is taking advantage of you or controlling you. On the other hand, if you are too aggressive in your dealings with other people, you may antagonize them and create more stress for yourself. Assertiveness training is one way of expressing your needs without feeling ignored or offending others. A number of effective communication techniques can be explored in therapy. Social Support. Find people who can nurture and support you, and learn to trust appropriately in them. Our stress levels increase when we try to deal with life’s difficulties alone. Talking things through with a good listener can help us to put things into a more realistic perspective — and the mere act of talking about issues that we usually hold inside serves to reduce our stress levels. When stress decreases the quality of life, remember that professional help is available. Therapy can help us to take charge of our lives in an effective way — and this is a much better alternative than living under the control of stress.
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Kathy's article on Championship Thinking, Think like, act like, and be a winner, was published in the December 2005 Personal Excellence Magazine. |
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Personal Excellence
is the magazine of life
enrichment. This issue features articles from individuals such as:
Former Vice President Al Gore; Russell Simmons, Hip-Hop Mogul; Kathy
Roberts, Lifetime Drugfree World Champion Powerlifter; Ruben
Gonzalez, 3-Time Olympian and author of Courage to Succeed; Bruce Cryer,
CEO of HeartMath; Millard McAdam, Managing Partner of Pro Active
Leadership, Consultant and Training; Gary Coxe, author of Don't Let
Others Rent Space in Your Head, Karl Albrect, author of the
best-selling book Brain Power and Social Intelligence; Anil
Bhatnagar, CEO of Thrive!; Tina Volpe, author of The Fast Food Craze,
Wreaking Havoc on Our Bodies and Our Animals, and many more.
Other issues of the magazine feature respected authorities like Jack Canfield, Stephen R. Covey, Oprah Winfrey, John Gray, and Nelson Mandela. Gain powerful insights, ideas, and strategies on personal improvement and professional development in seven key areas of life: Physical—health and fitness; Mental—learning and education; Professional—work, job, and career; Financial—money and asset management; Social/Emotional—relationships with self, family, and others; Spiritual—character and soul; and Service—citizenship, stewardship, and leadership. |
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Articles written by Kathy
Roberts for Steele Jungle Publication |
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 CLICK HERE TO ORDER YOUR COPY Input by celebrities such as Venus & Serena Williams, Katie Couric, Kathy Roberts, Julia Roberts, Britney Spears, Beyonce Knowles (5-time Grammy Award Winner, 2004), Shania Twain, Sharon Stone, Tina Turner, Lisa Leslie, Marion Jones, Barbara Walters, Brandie Chastain, Carmen Diaz, Jane Fonda, Christina Aguillera, Maya Angelo, Oprah Winfrey, Reese Witherspoon, Madonna, Althea Gibson, Hillary Clinton, Mia Hamm, Kelly Osbourne, Drew Barrymore, Emme, Marlene Maitlin, Janet Jackson, Sarah Hughes, Diane Sawyer, Pink, Condoleezza Rice, Gloria Vanderbilt, Michelle Kwan, Nancy Lopez, Chief Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, Margaret Thatcher and 100's more. |
 CLICK HERE TO ORDER YOUR COPY Great advice from many stars and celebrities to include Kathy Roberts, Atoosa Rubenstein, editor-in-chief of CosmoGIRL!, Nancy Gruver, publisher of New Moon, Laura McEwen, publisher of YM, Marci Shimoff, coauthor of Chicken Soup for the Woman’s Soul, Meg Cabot, author of The Princess Diaries, Rachel Weingarten, editor-in-chief of PlanetPretty.com, Brandon Holley, editor-in-chief of ELLEgirl, Isabel Gonzalez, senior associate editor of Teen People |
 CLICK HERE TO ORDER YOUR COPY Featuring seven of the nation's top quality world champion power lifters Kathy Roberts
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MEN and WOMEN, all who are serious about training need to check out this video!!!
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Copyright © 2001-2008, Kathy Roberts,
All Rights Reserved. |
